Sweet Moments and Late Nights

Life is crazy right now. Uncertain. Busy. Disheartening.

So... we're 9 months down the road and still not quite sleeping through the night. Our little guy is still waking up about once a night (at least), but because of this stubborn momma, he's learned to soothe himself and go back to sleep.

Last night was a different story. You moms will know what I mean. I woke up to a screaming baby. SCREAMMMING. I woke up with a start, quickly pushed my phone's screen on. 2:08am. Ugghhhh. My stubborn streak screamed, "Let him figure it out." But something else told me,"Go to him." I obeyed the second voice. I was met by my little 9 month old with tears streaming down his face. My first thought... "I hate teething! I need sleep." I would have normally popped in his pacifier, laid him on his back, and left the room. Last night was different. I picked up my little guy and felt him take a breath of relief, then try to settle in my arms, but he was restless and continued to fuss. I gave him those fabulous natural teething tablets and fought the urge to put him down and get myself back to bed. I held him. I held him tight. I took him in my arms and started singing. The songs I started with were his usual "Jesus Loves Me," and "Mommy Loves Tre" to the tune of Frere Jacques. Then worship songs started pouring out of my mouth. By the third or fourth song, my wiggly, always ready to move son was nestled on my chest, breathing the deep breaths of sleep.

I was in little man's room for about 15 minutes total, but for the first time, I didn't want it to end. I could picture in my head 5 years from now, yearning for these moments of dependability and pure surrender into Mommy's arms. After putting him back in his crib, I lingered a bit, loving these precious moments. I'm tired. I'd love for this little guy to sleep through the whole night on a consistent basis, but I'll never have this time back. I love him... at every hour of every day.

And then, as I'm writing this, I realize... God feels the same way for all of his children... but times a million. He longs for us to want him, cry for him, find comfort in him. He wants us to find our greatest joy in Him. If we do this, we bring Him joy and we are safe in His arms.

In all the uncertainty of life right now, I cry out to Him. I want to rest in Him, knowing that we're safe and He's got a plan for all this craziness.