Sweet Moments and Late Nights

Life is crazy right now. Uncertain. Busy. Disheartening.

So... we're 9 months down the road and still not quite sleeping through the night. Our little guy is still waking up about once a night (at least), but because of this stubborn momma, he's learned to soothe himself and go back to sleep.

Last night was a different story. You moms will know what I mean. I woke up to a screaming baby. SCREAMMMING. I woke up with a start, quickly pushed my phone's screen on. 2:08am. Ugghhhh. My stubborn streak screamed, "Let him figure it out." But something else told me,"Go to him." I obeyed the second voice. I was met by my little 9 month old with tears streaming down his face. My first thought... "I hate teething! I need sleep." I would have normally popped in his pacifier, laid him on his back, and left the room. Last night was different. I picked up my little guy and felt him take a breath of relief, then try to settle in my arms, but he was restless and continued to fuss. I gave him those fabulous natural teething tablets and fought the urge to put him down and get myself back to bed. I held him. I held him tight. I took him in my arms and started singing. The songs I started with were his usual "Jesus Loves Me," and "Mommy Loves Tre" to the tune of Frere Jacques. Then worship songs started pouring out of my mouth. By the third or fourth song, my wiggly, always ready to move son was nestled on my chest, breathing the deep breaths of sleep.

I was in little man's room for about 15 minutes total, but for the first time, I didn't want it to end. I could picture in my head 5 years from now, yearning for these moments of dependability and pure surrender into Mommy's arms. After putting him back in his crib, I lingered a bit, loving these precious moments. I'm tired. I'd love for this little guy to sleep through the whole night on a consistent basis, but I'll never have this time back. I love him... at every hour of every day.

And then, as I'm writing this, I realize... God feels the same way for all of his children... but times a million. He longs for us to want him, cry for him, find comfort in him. He wants us to find our greatest joy in Him. If we do this, we bring Him joy and we are safe in His arms.

In all the uncertainty of life right now, I cry out to Him. I want to rest in Him, knowing that we're safe and He's got a plan for all this craziness.

New life...

So... I've had this blog for a few years... written once or twice, not shared it with ANYONE... just a place for me to write. Well... my life is different, very, very different... and it's time to share. Time to step out of my little world and share my life... my heart, my God, my family, just plain old me!

So I mentioned I have a new life. Well there are several changes that I'd probably need to share for you to understand. First of all, I'm a mom! Wait, what?!?!?! Yep... my little guy is 8 1/2 months old! Holy cow! He's one of the hugest joys of my life. I guess that's what this post is about... my joys! Adjusting to life being a mom has been the craziest experience. That in itself should be a post, and will be in the future.

The second change in my life is that I have a new career. It's called being a professional stay-at-home. Wait... again... what? It's TRUE! I have given up my eight year career of teaching for a new one. Yes, I'm completely overwhelmed with joy that my husband and I have made this decision for my family, but it's a complete and total change of perspective and lifestyle.

The next change is my spiritual life. Okay...one more time... wait, what?!?!? I thought that you were a good Christian girl that loved Jesus and wanted to live her life out loud. Well, okay. Yep... that's what I thought too. But I guess that's a mind shift too. I truly do love Jesus... that's no different, but here I go.... putting myself out there... I don't think that I've loved Jesus to the fullest. I "used" him when I needed him. But now... I LOVE JESUS! I want to share him with everyone I meet. I want to read about Him. I want to learn more about Him. I want to talk about Him. I want to pray all the time. I have been at my church for almost seven years, and honestly, been "joyed" to death. I finally have gotten the picture. I have purpose and drive to find joy in Him.

So, that's me in a nutshell. Lots more to come. (When my busy little guy gives me a chance to write!) :)