So... I was watching the Ellen DeGeneres Show a few days ago and saw that they were giving tickets away to the 12 Days of Giveaways. So... of course I applied. In the application, there was a part to write my story. Immediately after I sent it in, I regretted it. I told my story, but not my whole story. So with everything going on, here it is.
The Ellen version : (something like this)
I'm a newly "retired" teacher of 8 years that is blessed to say home with our little one year old ball of energy. My husband has been working extra hours, extra camps as a strength coach at a private high school, and writing articles online. I have been taking any subbing jobs I can get my hands on and trying to start my own business selling fleece blankets and flannel receiving blankets. Doing anything we can to make ends meet. (and then I went on to tell how our little guy loves to dance with Ellen when I have the show on.)
Okay... so here's the long version... Hold on to your hats.
It started a year ago (well, before that, but we'll start this at Christmas last year.) We had a 6 week old. Oh my goodness. We were tired, not sleeping and all adjusting to our new life. The holidays are always a bit stressful trying to figure out which side of the family gets what day... You know all that mumbo jumbo... Anyways, we decided to spend Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with my husband's family. When we arrived at my in-laws, our little guy was super fussy and my father in law wasn't feeling great, but he rallied through and we ended up getting ONE picture of our little guy on Christmas day. It's a sweet picture of his grandpa holding him.
A little background on my sweet father-in-law... In the summer of 2012, he was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis, causing his lungs to shut down. He's had symptoms for a few years, but he gradually was getting worse, having a hard time breathing and having a terrible cough.
Fast forward to 2013 - Carl Sr. (Yes, my husband is a II, and we named our little guy after him, so he's a III), was put on oxygen in February, and was put on hospice at the end of March. At the time, I was still working as a teacher, loving my job, but being a mom AND a teacher was getting harder by the day. The day of signing my contract for the following school year was coming closer and I didn't know what to do. My husband and I talked daily about what life would look like if I stayed home. Obviously, it would be tight money-wise, but something inside me longed to be able to raise our little guy and be a more attentive wife. And in it all, we thought it would give us some flexibility to be available to help with my in-laws if need be. We finally made the decision to try it out, for at least a year. Oooo... talk about a leap of faith.
Well, the school year ended, I packed up my classroom and we started our summer! We started our weekly weekend hour and a half treks down to see my in-laws on the weekends. We have seen Carl Sr. gradually deteriorate. In June, he started his confinement to bed and in July, the hospital bed arrived. He was to turn 70 at the end of July, and we weren't sure he was going to make it. Well... he did and we had a wonderful celebration in his room (Complete with a candle and us all freaking out because of the oxygen in the room, which created a great memory of laughs!). We've had many celebrations in the last few months that we weren't sure he would be around for. He saw his son (my hubby), turn 30 and his grandson turn 1.
With the school year approaching, I had a million mixed emotions. I thought I was going to miss going back to work. What if I got bored? What if we can't make it financially? I was reaffirmed of our decision on August 28, the day I was to go back to work. We had a busy (HOT) day and when we got home, I noticed the little one not cooling down from being the in the car. I thought he was just hot, but after taking his temp, I realized that he had a 102.7 degree fever. Imagine my guilt if I had gone to work that day and had to call in sick for the rest of the week. Instantly, I praised God for our situation and allowing me to stay home. Well, the school year got started, football season began, and our weekend trips continued. To say the least, things have been wearing on us physically, emotionally, spiritually, and even on our family and marriage.
Okay, to add onto it... my mother in law was diagnosed with breast cancer in August. SERIOUSLY?!?!?! She had a mastectomy on September 17 with a 6 week expected recovery. My husband took some time off to be with her, my sister-in-law took ALL of her 5 weeks to live with her mom and take care of her. Thankfully, they were able to get some extra in-home care. And in all of this... I'm stuck at home because the baby couldn't be around. This was not the plan. The plan was for me to be home and available to my husband at work, to be able to go down to the in-laws to help, and I couldn't. I was helpless. And lonely. Because of our unreliability and not knowing what each new would bring, a lot of our friends have backed off because we were never really available to do anything or be there for them.
Through it all, my husband has stayed strong, and really had some good talks with his dad about heaven and our heavenly Father. To see his faith increase through this turmoil has been inspiring. It's so hard to see my father-in-law suffer, but it's also incredibly hard to see my husband hurt.
On October 31, our little routine was drastically altered when I got a call from my mother-in-law saying that Carl Sr. was in the hospital. Calm, teacher Carrie took over, called my husband, and told him that he needed to leave right away. Carl Sr. was in the hospital for 9 days, in and out of ICU, sent home to "rest comfortably." There was nothing more the doctors could do. So, that brings me up to date...almost.
Thanksgiving was a rough one. (see past post) Then this last Wednesday, my husband got a call from his mom telling him that his father was seeing his last days. We made arrangements, cancelled our weekend trip to northern California, and my husband has spent the last few days at his parents house, unsure of when he will return home. We are all basket cases so say the least.
So that brings me to writing this post. There's so much going on and this is my only outlet. I have no readers at this time, but that's not the point. The point is now, I can look back at this post and see how God has worked through this time of turmoil. I think about my original "story" for the Ellen DeGeneres show and I regret not telling my whole story. I think selfishly, "Maybe I would have been picked. We NEED a giveaway!" Well, in all honesty, we don't. I need to be content with the blessings God has given me. God is good and teaching us all so much in this valley. Stay tuned.
